Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Cozumel Mexico

Well hello everybody!  I hope everyone had as great of a weekend as I did.  I don’t want to brag about all the fun I had soaking up the rays from the Lido deck while on the open seas, taking mid-day naps just because I’m so relaxed it’s making me tired, or driving around the island of Cozumel Mexico in a Jeep with the top down.  Ok, I really do want to brag about that or else I wouldn’t have even mentioned it.  The bride and I had a wonderful 4 day cruise out of Mobile AL to Cozumel Mexico.  This was my first cruise out of my home state of Alabama, all my other cruises have been out of Florida.  I heard things this weekend that I never expected to hear on a cruise.  While going through the security check to get on the boat the man in front of us had the line held up.  After standing around bored for what seemed like forever, especially since I can see the boat right out the window to my left, I decided to start ease dropping the conversation to see what the holdup was.  Upon opening my ears this is what I hear, “Well I didn’t know I couldn’t bring my pliers!?”  Really?  You think if the boat breaks down they’re going to call on you to go down to the engine room with your pliers and get us rolling again?  Really?  Apparently this same guy thought Carnival was just going to let him walk onto their ship carrying 4 cases of Diet Pepsi, 2 bottles of wine, and a box full of assorted snacks?  Really?  Thanks for delaying me from getting onboard so I could enjoy my first of many hamburger buffets and endless Panini’s.  But also thanks for giving my bride and I a good laugh since it became a running theme to randomly say, “I didn’t know I couldn’t bring my pliers!?”  You know it’s bad when the cruise staff is making fun of Alabamians.  While on stage performers would say something totally redneck, followed by “Row Tide”.  All the classic Auburn/Alabama stereo types were in play as well.  Well dressed older man with docker shorts and boat shoes, Auburn fan, a man holding a bud light, smoking in the non-smoking section of the boat, wearing a ratty bathing suit, Alabama fan.  I don’t think I want to go on a cruise out of Alabama again because I realized that I cruise to get away from these people, not be trapped on a boat for days with them.  Thanks for Classing up the Boat and Cozumel Alabama, and Row Tide.  You guys have no idea how bad it was.  Thank God I was on a cruise and completely relaxed.
When we got to Cozumel my bride and I signed up for the “Go Jeep, Tequila and Beach Adventure”.  We really enjoyed this excursion.  In the description of the excursion it clearly said that all jeeps are stick shifts.  Apparently my bride and I were the only ones to read this part as most everyone else stood with their mouths open when our tour guide dropped that bomb.  Four people had to get into one Jeep so we had to find us some riding partners.  When they told us to find our jeeps I raised my hand and said, we have two and need two more.  These two sweet old ladies came running to me and asked, “Can you drive a stick?”  I said, “yes, I can”, so they hired me to be their driver.  Off we went, driving through downtown Cozumel was a treat, there doesn’t appear to be any lines in road, and mo-paders just seem to do whatever they want, including, but not limited to, putting helmets on mom and dad, but no helmet on little Olga who is either sandwiched between mom and dad, or sitting on the gas tank drinking a juice box.  *Yes we saw both of those situations.  Helmet law for adults = yes, helmet law for childrens = no.

Once out of downtown we hit the open roads!  That is until we stop at the Pee-Pee Station, complete with a urinating alligator painted on the sign.  We saddle back up in our jeeps and continue down the road to drink Tequila, that’s right, all the Tequila we want driver or no driver, belly up to the bar.  Since I was the driver and was being watched like a hawk by my passengers I didn’t partake in the sweet nectar of the Blue Agave plant.
Back on the road again we head to our final stop, the beach.  The water is beautiful beyond words, blue, warm, and crystal clear.  After a short hour and a half we go to jump back into the jeeps, only to be met by swarms of bees.  Apparently the local gang of bees was enjoying our “souvenir” Margarita cups.  Every jeep had dozens of bees in and around them.  We quickly pulled our “souvenir” cup out of the jeep and poured out the contents and washed the cup out.  I then stuck my leg into the jeep, started the jeep, and put it in neutral.  (Also engaging the emergency brake to prevent rolling.)  After letting the jeep run with the air on we noticed that most of the bees left so we hopped in and continued our journey.  After driving about 5 miles the jeep in front of us breaks down.  We have been instructed to just keep going, the guide in the back will handle such things.  So we pass them and leave them for dead.  Well a little while further down the road a caution light comes on in the dash of my jeep.  I have no idea what this light is about, I check the temp, it’s good, gas is good, jeep seems to be driving fine, not my jeep, not my problem.  We continue on to the drop off point with no apparent mechanical issues.  I’m driving along happy as can be, I want a jeep, and I want a stick shift, I forgot how much I enjoyed shifting gears.  All the while that light is still lit, and it’s still beeping at me, again, not my jeep, not my problem.  We roll back up to the starting point to return our jeeps, I park, shut off the engine, make sure the jeep is in first gear, reach to engage the emergency brake…  Oh, the emergency brake is already engaged…  Um, hey babe, grab our bags and lets walk away, smile and keep walking…  hahaha.  Well, at least I’m pretty sure I know what all the beeping was about.  Too bad that guy didn’t have his pliers to fix any issues we caused with the Jeep…

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