Monday, November 30, 2009

Christmas, you've been served!

Dear Christmas,
I am writing to you to issue a formal complaint of your habitual line crossing, or month crossing as it is in this case. I am sick and tired of only being a side note for your 3 month long invasion. I remember back when, in the golden days, it was considered faux pas to decorate for Christmas before celebrating me. It used to be standard operating procedure to decorate for Christmas on the Friday after me, currently known as Black Friday. Now I am just a day of rest before the biggest shopping day of the year, A shopping day spent buying gifts for you! I myself enjoy Jesus’ birthday as much as the next holiday, excluding Martin Luther King Jr’s day, as that holiday has a dream that all holiday’s will be celebrated equally, but Christmas, you have taken Jesus’ birthday and turned it into a birthquater. Christmas, it is not your manifest destiny to rule the entire calendar. New Year’s eve and I are fed up with your blatant disregard of our holiday status, and Halloween has joined us this year as he feels that you have encroached into his designated holiday space. Fourth of July has started to turn more red than white and blue because he is being pushed from the shelves to make way for your decorations! I don’t know if you know when the Fourth of July is celebrated, but it’s on the 4th of effin July, which is almost dead center of the calendar, give or take a month. I’m not 100% sure on this, because I wasn’t paying attention, but I’m pretty sure Hanukkah said something about him being celebrated in December too. Kwanzaa is very irate and has already held conference calls with Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and Louis Farrakhan to get this encroachtion, of the holidation, validation, emancipation, abomination, and some other tion words that I couldn’t even begin to spell, corrected! Christmas, not sure if you’re aware but this is a big year for the Kwanzaa, Michael Jackson died, Michael Jordan was elected to Basketball Hall of Fame, and some guy, you may have heard of him, Barack of Obama was elected president! In closing, Christmas, consider this as the first official warning for you to back off, or else further holiday actions will be taken.



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